Does the weekend seem like a light-year away? Fiending for a cup of coffee? Not sure how you’re going to make it through the week with that stack of TPS reports piling up on your desk? Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays. So to get over your weekend blues, the Daily Agenda brings you the lighter side of your Monday morning news.
- -Ghouls, goblins, and ghosts. Oh my! Most well-adjusted Americans stop believing in monsters at the age when Newt Gingrich wants them to be janitors. But according to the wizards at the Young Turks, more people believe in witchcraft than support Citizens United. And those Americans who support BOTH Citizens United and witchcraft? Meet Ron Paul’s target demographic, ladies and gentlemen. Shazaam!
- -If you’re dating a dentist and thinking about ending the relationship, wear a mouth guard before you break the news to your soon-to-be jilted lover. A few days after Marek Olszewski dumped his dentist girlfriend Anna Mackowiak, he visited her office to take care of a minor toothache. Unfortunately for Marek, when he woke up from surgery, Anna had removed all of his teeth. Here is the money quote:
She told me my mouth was numb and I wouldn’t be able to feel anything for a while… I didn’t have any reason to doubt her, I mean I thought she was a professional.
- -Clive Palmer, one of Australia’s richest men, has commissioned a Chinese state-owned company to build a 21st century version of the Titanic. This can only end well…
- -And you thought bologna was the only meat compromising our national security. According to Reuters, a Las Vegas man was sentenced to two years in prison for trying to sneak 115 “oven-ready iguanas” into the country through Mexico.